


'almost' isn't good enough

by haikyuutrash



Series: kuroken week 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23628277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuutrash/pseuds/haikyuutrash
Summary: 5 times Kuroo almost kissed Kenma (and 1 time Kenma kissed him first)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: kuroken week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705030
Comments: 10
Kudos: 170





	'almost' isn't good enough

**Author's Note:**

> my hand slipped ;-;
> 
> wanted to try something new LMAO enjoy!! <3
> 
> it so happened to fit with kuroken week so why not HAHAHA a little early but i hope it still works hehe :D

**1**

The ball slammed against the floor and rebounded off, earning a loud shout of triumph from Lev at having blocked a serve. His overconfident and excitable aura filled the court again as did Yaku’s shouts. Kuroo stifled a laugh. The two of them had a rather unusual dynamic, one that was interesting to watch.

He turned his head, noticing Kenma who was leaning against the wall and playing with his PSP. Kuroo sighed and walked over to in front of him. “Oi Kenma,” he said. “You’re not supposed to be playing in practice.”

Kenma blatantly ignored him, continuing to tap away on his console.

Kuroo watched him, observing his small movements and occasionally trying to get a small glimpse of what he was playing. He turned his head back for a moment, his eyes meeting with the sight of Yaku still shouting at Lev. His eyes returned to Kenma shortly after as the shouting stopped.

Had it been anyone else distracted during practice, Kuroo would probably have made them run extra laps or stay back for more practice. But with Kenma, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. It wasn’t that he played favourites or whatsoever, but he felt responsible for Kenma being here. Kenma had never been extremely interested in volleyball, or even mildly interested from what Kuroo could tell. He couldn’t blame him for that --- the reason Kenma started and continued playing volleyball was _him_.

“...Set for me?” he asked hopefully.

Kenma looked up, staring at Kuroo with his cat-like eyes. “Maybe later.” He looked back down.

Kuroo sighed dejectedly, tilting his head to the ceiling. “Please?”

“Kuro, I---”

Kenma never got to finish his sentence, for Kuroo was hit with a ball to his back and lunged forward, stopping himself from hitting the wall with his hands slamming against it, trapping Kenma between his arms in the process. Kenma looked up almost immediately at the noise. Kuroo opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out.

Behind him, he heard Lev apologising profusely and Yaku shouting at him once again. But somehow, no sound registered in his head. He should get off the wall. He should back away. He should apologise to Kenma.

He couldn’t.

It was as if his body was frozen to the spot, unable to move as much as he wanted to. A strange and unusual feeling took over him. Kenma was looking at him with those beautiful golden eyes again and they seemed to trap Kuroo’s gaze, preventing him from looking away. No, he couldn’t be looking at Kenma like this. Kenma was his best friend. Kuroo found himself leaning closer.

“Kuroo-san! I’m so sorry!” Kuroo snapped out of his daze at Lev’s approaching voice. He lifted his hands off the wall and took a step back, clearing his throat gently before mumbling a quiet apology.

Kuroo returned to practice quickly and so did Kenma. Neither of them spoke a word for the rest of practice, other than calling for sets and such things. But even then, Kuroo would miss a few spikes or get distracted when blocking. Maybe he was just losing focus after a long and tiring day. Or maybe it was because for a fleeting moment back there, as quick as it’d gone by, he’d gotten the urge to kiss Kenma.

**2**

The train doors opened and another wave of people jostled their way into the carriage. Kuroo felt himself being pushed further into the carriage and he reached out to pull Kenma along with him. Kenma was never the kind to be comfortable in crowds and Kuroo knew that better than anyone else.

“C’mon, let’s stand at the side,” Kuroo said quietly, guiding Kenma with an arm around his shoulder towards the side of the carriage where they would possibly have more space. Their movement, however, was cut short when a woman walked into the carriage just before the doors closed, shifting the arrangement of passengers in the carriage once more and leaving the two students in the centre as the train started.

Kuroo instinctively reached up to grab the last vacant handle. Kenma stood close to him, hooking one arm around Kuroo’s and playing with his game console. Glancing out of the window, Kuroo watched the buildings fly past, the sky remaining as pale as always. An announcement from the speakers travelled through the carriage, indicating that they were nearing the next stop.

Kuroo counted the stops in his head. Seven more, he deduced as the train slowed to a stop and the doors opened again, letting in yet another wave of commuters. He could feel people bumping to him almost every second and he pulled his hand closer to his body, causing Kenma to take a step closer to him.

“So many people,” he mumbled as the doors closed. They’d stayed back a little after practice and now that it was the peak period of the day, it was only natural that there would be that many people on the train. They hadn’t even gotten a chance to take a seat since the start of the journey, which wasn’t a common occurrence.

Kenma hummed quietly in agreement, still looking down at his PSP.

Counting the number of stops in his head as their ride continued, Kuroo would take an occasional glance at Kenma to see what he was doing. He’d pretty much gotten used to a jab in his back when someone got on or off the train and the crowd shifted into the empty spaces. What Kuroo hadn’t expected was someone bumping roughly into his shoulder, sending him stumbling slightly to the side. Kenma, who’d been holding onto Kuroo’s arm, looked up in surprise at the movement and took an unsteady step sideways.

Immediately, Kuroo slid his arm around Kenma’s lower back and pulled him closer as if protecting him from some sort of danger. And maybe, being in a messy crowd like this was indeed a danger to Kenma. “You okay?” he asked softly, not wanting to attract too much attention.

Kenma nodded, keeping away his game console after having realised it wasn’t a very conducive environment to be playing his game. Not that he didn’t use his PSP almost everywhere, but there was hardly any space to be holding it up without accidentally knocking into someone or being knocked into. He leaned into Kuroo’s chest, staring at his collarbone.

Kuroo gulped. Kenma was so close. _Too_ close. But there was no way Kuroo would push him away. He looked down, his gaze travelling from Kenma’s lashes to his soft lips, slightly wet by his tongue. Kuroo felt a small blush creeping up his face. He shook his head subtly, letting out a quiet sigh as he tightened his grip on the handle.

He wasn’t supposed to find Kenma _this_ attractive, or yearn for them to stay like this for the rest of the journey, or have the sudden impulse to lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. Kuroo bit his lip gently. He couldn’t be thinking of Kenma this way.

Not now, not ever.

**3**

A faint glow lit up a small part of the darkened hall. It was the first night of the training camp and most of the team was already asleep. Most, being everyone but the team captain and the setter.

Kuroo turned around in his sleeping bag. He couldn’t seem to sleep, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. In his head were the observations he’d made during practice, running through on repeat as a reminder to tell the team about them when they woke up for practice. He sighed quietly to himself. It was one of those times when his mind was actively driving a train of thoughts and no matter how many times he tried to close his eyes and relax, he just couldn’t fall asleep.

With a frustrated groan, he sat upright, rubbing his eyes gently as he noticed a dim light. “...Kenma?” he said quietly. There was no response, but he shifted closer to the light and found that Kenma was engrossed in another one of his video games. He’d muted the sound, or maybe it was just too quiet for Kuroo to hear, but either way, no one else in the team seemed to have realised Kenma was still awake.

He wormed his way out of his sleeping bag and made his way over to the setter, leaning over his shoulder. “Aren’t you sleepy?” he mumbled, moving till his face was right beside Kenma’s and his eyes were on the screen as well.

It was a pretty redundant question, for Kenma, the one who’d gotten up early in the morning to play games before his schooldays, was most certainly _not_ sleepy. “No,” Kenma said simply, confirming Kuroo’s guess.

“You should still sleep anyway,” Kuroo continued, resting his chin lightly on Kenma’s shoulder. “You need enough rest for tomorrow.”

He heard Kenma huff. “Says you,” the setter said defiantly, showing no signs of willingness to stop his late-night gaming.

“It’s different,” Kuroo argued. “I _can’t_ sleep.”

“Well, neither can I,” Kenma replied. His attention remained on his PSP throughout their conversation.

“So how did you find today’s practice?” the captain asked, leaning his head gently against Kenma’s neck.

Kenma went silent for a while before responding quietly, “It was okay.”

“Did you have fun?” Kuroo didn’t know what he was expecting by asking that question. Kenma never seemed to have fun playing volleyball, or even if he did, it couldn’t match up to his video games. Kuroo didn’t intend to force Kenma to like volleyball at all but in the end, a part of him wished Kenma would someday be able to say that he enjoyed himself.

But just as he’d expected, Kenma didn’t seem to feel that sort of enjoyment with volleyball. “Not really,” he said --- his typical answer to every time Kuroo asked that.

Kuroo sighed, but didn’t say a word in response. What could he say? Kenma had only joined volleyball because of him and he’d explicitly stated before that the only reason he stayed was because Kuroo was still there. He continued watching Kenma playing his game, only letting his thought slip out of his mouth after a few more minutes.

“You know...someday I hope that you’ll enjoy it,” he said in a low voice, not expecting an answer or even an acknowledgement.

Much to his surprise, Kenma turned his head. “...Really?”

For a moment, Kuroo’s heart stopped. His head moved to face Kenma and for an extended period of time, their faces were no more than a few inches apart. It was a small distance between them, so small that Kuroo could lean in any moment and kiss Kenma, and the smaller male wouldn’t be able to evade it.

Kuroo slapped himself internally. What was he thinking? He turned to look back at the game console, even as Kenma continued to stare at him. Thank goodness for the darkness, or Kenma would have been able to see the obvious red on the captain’s face. “Yeah,” he finally said, then moved away from Kenma. “I’ll be going to sleep now,” he continued before returning to his sleeping bag without waiting for another word from the setter.

Somehow, he was able to force himself to sleep after a little more than ten minutes. But in that short time, he could hear Kenma keeping away his PSP and shifting into his own sleeping bag. It took all of Kuroo’s self-control not to turn around and hug him.

**4**

By the time Kuroo stepped out of the shower, Kenma was fast asleep in his bed, his small body drowning in one of Kuroo’s shirts. It was a huge surprise for such a thing to happen, since Kenma was usually the one to stay up later during the many sleepovers they’d had before. But considering the fact that they’d just finished an intense training in preparation for the Spring Interhigh, it was only normal that Kenma was more tired than usual.

Kuroo had originally planned to stay up a little longer with Kenma, whether it was watching him play with his PSP or just the two of them lying together and having random conversations. Now that Kenma was asleep, however, Kuroo couldn’t find anything else he had to do before he turned in for the night.

He slipped on a set of fresh clothes and walked over to the bed, where he found a dimly lit PSP in the setter’s hands. Kuroo sighed quietly, a small smile hanging on the corners of his mouth. Kenma had indeed fallen asleep using his PSP, just as Kuroo had guessed. He reached over carefully and took the PSP out of Kenma’s hands, placing it on the bedside table. There was an eighty-seven per cent chance that when Kenma woke up, he’d be nagged at about playing video games at night and overstimulating his mind before sleeping.

The captain pulled the blanket gently over Kenma, covering him completely to his neck. He looked cute when he was sleeping, Kuroo realised, not that he didn’t look cute all the time. But when he curled up like that in bed, he had an uncanny resemblance to a kitten. Kuroo smiled silently to himself, walking over to the other side of the bed and getting under the blanket.

Subconsciously, he found himself moving closer to Kenma, facing him as he was still asleep. Subconsciously, he found himself reaching his hand out to brush a small strand of hair out of Kenma’s face, tucking it behind his ear while remaining careful not to wake him up. And subconsciously, he found himself leaning in towards Kenma, his gaze fixed on the smaller male’s soft lips.

Kuroo felt his breathing slow down. He _could_ kiss Kenma right now if he wanted to, and there was a high chance that the setter would never find out. And truth to be told, Kuroo felt a great deal of his mind telling him to go for it. Maybe it hadn’t dawned upon him before, but in a quiet moment like this, Kuroo realised that maybe he _did_ like Kenma. Not in a platonic way that he’d always brushed it off as, but as something more. Something more that was enough to cause him to lightly brush his fingertips against Kenma’s lower lip, wondering what it would feel like to kiss him.

Kuroo could take Kenma’s first kiss and he knew that. But to kiss him when he was asleep, it just didn’t feel right. It would be like stealing, a small voice in Kuroo’s head told him. He’d be _stealing_ Kenma’s first kiss and Kenma might never even realise that. To do something like that to Kenma, his best friend and the one he was desperately trying to suppress his crush on, would be letting the setter down.

He pulled away, turning his body to face the ceiling. He was such a terrible best friend to be thinking of such things. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled quietly, not directed at anyone in reality, but a screaming apology to Kenma in his head. He watched the ceiling fan spinning around and around, letting it hypnotise him and take his thoughts away as he gradually drifted asleep.

**5**

There was a mixed feeling lingering in the atmosphere as the team stepped into the changing room. They’d lost, and all of them knew that. But to hear that their team setter, the one who’d always absorbed himself in video games and the one who’d never seem to enjoy volleyball, had _fun_ , was a rather comforting thought.

Or perhaps, all of that was what Kuroo felt as he wiped his sweat off with a towel, watching his team exchange words of encouragement to one another. It was nice to know that even after a loss, they could get over their dejection and motivate one another, wishing the juniors a great next match. Kuroo smiled. Even Yaku hadn’t shouted at Lev since they’d come off the court. In fact, if the captain’s ears hadn’t been playing tricks on him, he’d had even heard Yaku say a quick ‘good job’ to the first year ace.

The months they’d spent training for this day, even if they had been eliminated, were completely worth it.

He turned his head in Kenma’s direction, watching as he put on his jacket. He hadn’t taken out his PSP yet, and Kuroo found that rather surprising. He walked over to the setter, sliding an arm around his shoulder. “Did you mean it?” he said, a wide smile on his face.

Kenma looked at him. “Mean what?”

“That you had fun.”

Kenma looked away, but Kuroo could see a small smile on his face. “...Maybe.”

And for Kenma, a ‘maybe’ was as good as a ‘yes’.

“I knew you’d say that someday,” Kuroo said, sounding satisfied with himself, more than he’d even been in his life. To get Kenma to enjoy volleyball was possibly one of the things in life he’d always wanted to do. If Kenma had fun, then practice wouldn’t be a chore anymore. At least, he wouldn’t be feeling obliged to do something he didn’t like for Kuroo’s sake. Kenma was _happy_ playing volleyball, and Kuroo liked that.

Kenma turned his head towards Kuroo again. This time, his smile was fully visible and not hidden in the very least. Kuroo couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d seen Kenma smile like that. Maybe it was when he finished the toughest fight in a video game, or when the captain bought him one of the video games he’d wanted on his birthday. But that smile, whatever the reason behind it, was the most beautiful thing Kuroo had ever seen.

And then it was back --- his desire to lean in and kiss that precious smile off Kenma’s face. Kuroo hated that no matter how much he tried to tell himself that Kenma was his best friend and just that, his heart would always come back to Kenma, longing for him to return the feeling so he wouldn’t have to hold back anymore.

“...Kuro?” Kenma said softly, as if having noticed that Kuroo was in a complete daze.

Kuroo blinked and the blank look on his face was immediately wiped away. “Yeah?” he said with one of his signature smirks, a false pretence that nothing was wrong, that everything was fine and he hadn’t just been thinking about kissing Kenma.

Kenma stared at him for a while, then turned away. “Nothing.”

Kuroo didn’t know whether he should be relieved or disappointed about that.

**+1**

Cheers erupted throughout the school. After three years of hard work, the batch of third years was finally graduating. They were moving on, just like the batches before that had. And along with that, it also meant that they would be leaving the school, leaving the first and second years in the team, and leaving Kenma. At least, that was in Kuroo’s case.

With his hands in the pockets of his jacket, he walked over to where the rest of the boys’ volleyball team was. “Hey,” he said with a half-hearted smile, which was returned by Lev going on about how much he would miss the third years and how he was going to become the ace and make them proud.

Kuroo looked to Yaku, who glanced over and smiled. On such a day, it seemed like none of them knew how to feel. Of course, Kuroo was glad that he’d finally graduated high school and that he was moving on to another stage of his life, but he couldn’t help but wish he could stay a while more, with the rest of the team and with _Kenma_. Speaking of which, he looked around to find that Kenma wasn’t with the team.

“Where’s Kenma?” he asked curiously.

Yaku shrugged. “I’d think that you would know that,” he said.

Kuroo ran his fingers through his hair, racking his brains to guess where Kenma could possibly be. It did catch him off guard when he’d realised the setter wasn’t with the rest, especially when it was an occasion like this. “I’ll be back in a while,” he mumbled and turned around, walking away before the rest of the team could speak another word.

The first place he checked was the rooftop, since the two of them often spent lunch up there together. However, the only sight he was met with upon opening the door was a few of the school couples kissing or having romantic moments. He flinched and shut the door in a split second, running down the stairs and trying to figure where else Kenma would be.

Knowing how the setter disliked crowded places, Kuroo attempted Kenma’s classroom, though he was convinced it wasn’t likely he’d be there. He was right. The classroom was completely empty, the lights and fan both switched off. He sighed in frustration, making a quick check of Kenma’s desk for any clues before leaving unsuccessful.

He stopped in the middle of the hallway. He could spend the next few hours searching the entire school for Kenma, but it wouldn’t be a very smart move. Kenma wasn’t a stationary being, for one, so he could move around at any time and change locations. Kuroo couldn’t understand why Kenma would wander off on his graduation day, out of any day this could have happened.

He tilted his head up to the ceiling. Where could Kenma be? The rooftop had been one of his best bets, but it had shown no results, as did the setter’s classroom. It had been ten minutes since he’d left the team to find Kenma and they were probably wondering what had happened. Kuroo tried his best to recall Kenma’s haunts around the school. But Kenma never seemed to do anything outside of lessons and volleyball---

Kuroo’s head snapped back into place at the word ‘volleyball’. He knew exactly where Kenma was, because there was only one more place in the school that Kenma could possibly run off to on this day. How did he not think of this earlier? He’d overlooked such a simple thing.

Pulling his jacket tighter over his shoulders, Kuroo ran as fast as he could towards the volleyball court.

It was quiet when he arrived, other than a small figure standing at the side of the court, staring at the net from beside it. “Kenma,” Kuroo said the moment he saw the figure. He walked over briskly, reaching just as Kenma turned around.

“Kuro,” Kenma said, sounding surprised that the captain had found him.

Kuroo took a few moments to catch his breath before he spoke again. “Why did you come here?”

Kenma looked almost unsure of himself. “Because this place has the most memories.”

Kuroo laughed. “You’re not even the one graduating.”

“But _you_ are,” Kenma pointed out, as if there was supposed to be some sort of meaning implied by his words.

Kuroo didn’t respond and instead looked at Kenma with his tired eyes, his gaze locking onto Kenma’s and not moving away, even as time began to pass by. It was his last chance, Kuroo realised as Kenma’s golden eyes stared back at him. This was likely the last chance he got to kiss Kemna, to _confess_ to him before everything began to change between them. Because as much as he hoped that things would stay the same, he couldn’t help but worry that if he didn’t say anything, Kenma would never find out how he really felt and Kuroo would never get the chance to tell him again. And maybe that was what made it even more frightening, that Kuroo didn’t know if Kenma liked him and that if he confessed right before leaving, they might end on a not so good note.

But seizing a small chance was better than giving everything up, wasn’t it? Kuroo wasn’t sure if it would be worth the risk, if he should put his friendship with Kenma on the line just so he wouldn’t have to berate himself every day in college for not saying anything. Still, he found himself leaning forward, stopping only a few inches away from Kenma. The whole time, Kenma had remained completely still and Kuroo had no idea if that was an invitation for him to continue or a sign that he should just back off. He finally closed his eyes, running through a million possible outcomes in his head.

And then he felt it.

He felt a soft and minimally wet pair of lips pressing lightly against his. His eyes opened slowly, wondering if this was some sort of mocking dream. Because in front of him was Kenma, head tilted up and eyes lidded, and Kenma was _kissing_ him. By the time he’d registered everything in his head, Kenma had broken the kiss, though his eyes remained on Kuroo.

“Kenma, did you...?” Kuroo strung together enough words to form a hanging sentence, though it was enough for anyone to understand.

Kenma pursed his lips slightly. “I was tired of waiting.”

Kuroo looked at him in surprise. “Waiting?” He could still feel the slightest taste of Kenma on his mouth and part of him worried that he’d imagined all of it, that none of this was actually real.

With his arms around Kuroo’s waist and his head leaning on his chest, Kenma spoke so quietly that even if the court was filled with people, only Kuroo would be able to hear him. “I know you’ve wanted to kiss me since that day you accidentally pinned me against the wall.”

The memory came flooding back and a layer of red took over Kuroo’s face. “You...knew?” he said in disbelief as if he’d thought it impossible for Kenma to realise. Perhaps Kenma wasn’t as oblivious as Kuroo had thought, and in fact, he might have been the oblivious one.

“You’re more obvious than you think you are,” he heard Kenma mumble into his chest. “You’re such an idiot.”

Kuroo smiled teasingly, threading his fingers in Kenma’s hair and gently tilting his head up. “But I’m _your_ idiot.”

He saw a flash of the faintest smile on Kenma’s lips. “Mmm...” the setter hummed softly, tugging gently onto the back of Kuroo’s uniform. “Mine.”

Kuroo bent down and kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it!! <3
> 
> my tumblr --> ([x](https://hq-iteza.tumblr.com/))


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